The Difference Between Halloween and Date Parties

It's that season again.

The sweaters and scarves are out, the air is a little more crisp, we're busily looking for dates to our parties, and seeking dates to other formals.

Then there's the ever present question, "What are you going as?"

Whether we're talking sorority functions or an age old tradition it seems to be the same question, so why do they differ? Well in all honesty, the sad truth is that the memories we enjoyed as children are apparently frowned upon in our ripe old age of you know...20. So we created Halloween for big kids. Unnecessary you think? Well let's talk about what happens if you try to do Halloween the old way nowadays..

1) Judgement.
        At date parties you get to dress up with your sisters and their lucky dates. Usually that comes with a lot of talk prior to the event about what everyone will wear. You show up to the venue feeling confident in your outfit and knowing that you look good. The thought of someone else stealing your thunder or thinking you look stupid has never even crossed your mind.

         On Halloween, regardless of what clever ensemble you choose, you will still be concerned that you'll end up somewhere that it's inappropriate, or that someone won't understand who you are. We all know how annoying it is when a stranger doesn't understand your Regina George impersonation. It's just not as funny after you explain it.

2) Competition
           At date parties, even if you show up in the same outfit as one of your sisters, the two of you can share a good laugh, pose for a few pictures, and probably even make each other your #WCW afterward. It's totally fine.

          On Halloween, if you show up dressed like someone else, it may get a little awkward. The best part is when the person dressed just like you, is the one who is secretly hoping to run into you ten years and fifty pounds from now. Chances are, you probably won't leave the party as bffs.

3) Activities
           At date parties, regardless of your activities of choice before or after, you pretty much know what's going down at all times. Dancing, pictures, maybe a photo booth or so, and some refreshments. All of which you're completely used to, and are close enough to being age appropriate.

          On Halloween, you're constantly wondering if you're too old to be wearing a costume, even though you want to trick or treat so bad... it's probably about 10 years too late for that. So your options are probably someone's house party or hanging out in a church parking lot handing candy to kids. All of which is fine, but then walking back to your car or into your apartment just some how feels so much more awkward than it would if you just got off of a bus with about 80 other people who looked just like you.

4) Costumes
          At date parties, you're a little more daring, you can wear whatever you want and not worry about what people will say because chances are these people already know and it's probably already been said to your face, as it should be. Your sisters will embrace your quirkiness, or your slightly too high thigh slit, with laughter and maybe a few embarrassing pictures that end up being totally worth it.

         On Halloween, you spend much more time worrying about who will be around. What if I run into my mom's best friend, or a flock of tiny humans, or my middle school preacher? Would he appreciate the horns you're sporting on your head? Or your blonde barbie wig and your leggings as pants? Probably not, though it shouldn't matter what anyone thinks, you will still walk away from that conversation feeling much more awkward than you would if you were talking to your advisor.

5) Candy
          Halloween wins this one. You could have the coolest candy bar I've ever seen at your date party, but nothing beats the memories of knocking on doors to take candy from strangers. The one day of the year you're allowed to break almost every rule your parents ever made. Come on.

The moral of the story children, is that though costume parties and the so called holiday that is always playful and full of calories that obviously don't count may seem like they're essentially the same, they most certainly are not.

I however will most likely be partaking in both. Candy and costumes, it's a win win.

You're Still Here

Dear Zach,

    This is my second letter, I know I won't receive a response, yet I keep praying that someway, somehow you'll let us know, let me know that you're okay. I know you must be, there's no way a beautiful soul like yours couldn't be. But the silence is still deafening. I almost called you the other day, just out of habit to ask you to come hang out with us. Knowing you wouldn't answer was a little overwhelming.

    I'm trying to step up and look out for her, but you know how hard this has been on her. She thinks about you every day. She dreams about you at night, and she tries to drink you away and just ends up in a deeper hole than before. I'm trying to keep it together for everyone that relied on you. I'm just not you. It's not the same. You were so much better at this than I am. You have a way about you that's just so calming. I could look at you, and your little sideways smile or your not so subtle words, or even your unsolicited compliments, they always just made me forget why I was upset.

I just wish I could've done that for you.

   The irony is that everyone ran to you for comfort. Everyone looked to you to be the strong one, the one who had it all together, and now that we're here without you, we don't know who to turn to. Sometimes being happy and acting like nothing happened feels wrong, but I know that's not how you would have wanted it. I feel silly for being so upset about this, when you had much closer friends and family of course. Yet there's still this strange questioning void inside me. I feel like you were trying to tell me something the last time we spoke, and even though I try, it's hard to convince myself that there still wasn't anything I could have done.

   There's so much more than I want to say to you, and to ask you, I just wish I could. We miss you so much, though I'm sure you already know that. I hope it's everything you dreamt it would be, and that you don't even remember the pain and the suffering. I hope that one day, when it's my time, that you'll meet me at the gate, and that we'll talk for hours, not remembering any of this. Until then, fly high sweet angel. At least it's good to know we have you looking out for us. So in that sense, nothing has really changed..

My Obsession With Body Image

Tonight, we had a speaker visit our campus, her name is Stacy Nadeau. Stacy was a model for the Dove campaign that premiered and took the world by storm in 2005.

This campaign started the conversation about what it is to be truly beautiful. It showed different women, of all shapes, sizes, ages, colors, and even hair types in only their underwear. Nothing like this had ever been done before. So why was it so important? It started the conversation that you don't have to be tall, skinny and blonde like the airbrushed models we see every day to be beautiful. A conversation, that still, nine years later, is not even close to being over.

Stacy's message really stuck with me for a few reasons, one being that I had given a group presentation on the Dove campaign last Friday before I knew she would be speaking, and because I've had my own personal struggle with body image for as long as I can remember.

I've decided to share my own story, which normally I would't do, because I like to portray myself as a strong and confident woman. However, lately I've seen some of the most beautiful and most important women in my life struggle with their own body issues, and I want them to realize their own value.

Growing up, I was always bigger than my friends, taller, and wider. I matured faster, I grew farther, and I didn't understand why.

I was never "fat", but there were times when I felt like I was. I struggled buying jeans because the ones that were long enough were too small, and the ones that fit my waist barely covered my ankles. Tops were just as difficult, I needed a larger size to accommodate my breasts, but could never find one that did both that, and fit my waist without looking like a tent. Any of the tops that did were too short to cover my entire torso.

Needless to say, it took quite a while for me to establish my own sense of style and feel good about what I was wearing and how I presented myself.

For a long time, I could eat whatever I wanted and not gain a pound, it was awesome. Unfortunately though, that couldn't last forever. The summer after my senior year in high school, I went through a pretty rough break up. I lost a lot of my appetite, and turned to working out to blow off steam. I lost twenty five pounds, and ended up being a little underweight, even though I did not have an eating disorder.

When I got to college I was learning how to recreate myself in a new environment, and as they say, the freshman fifteen catches up with you. I gained back some of the weight I had lost but I was still very confident. I was healthy, and I loved my body.

I got busy, I took on a lot of responsibilities, and my eating habits quickly turned back to Taco Bell at three in the morning, and whatever was convenient during the day. However, this time my high school metabolism wasn't there to back me up.

Now, I am twenty years old and weigh about 10-15lbs more than I did in high school. Do I love every inch of my body, every second of every day? Of course not. There will always be things that I'm not in love with about myself. Sometimes I think my thighs magically grow into the size of Russia when I sit down in a pair of shorts. Sometimes I'm paranoid that you can see imperfections through my shirts, but I am happy.

While I know I still have a little bit of work to do with my lifestyle, as far as eating healthier and being more active, I am taking steps to make myself happy and healthy.

I've given up feeling like I have to be skinny and perfect, or tan or have a perfectly round rump. I'm focusing instead on what I have in store for myself. I believe that a cute pair of underwear, the right pair of shoes, and a modest amount of confidence can make any outfit that I try on look beautiful.

In all reality, I wouldn't look right, or be me if I was a size two, and I have no desire to be. As Stacy said tonight, I am searching for my best healthy self, and to be honest folks, I don't think I'm far from it. Sure I may be able to wear a size 10, and rock a 38DD, but if I feel beautiful, then who is it going to bother anyway?

I'm not telling you any of this out of my own self interest, but to encourage girls who aren't happy, to take a really good look at why it is that they don't feel comfortable. If that reason isn't something that is effecting your health, then is it really one to be obsessing over? Realize how beautiful you really are, embrace your potential, and stop getting on scales. Seriously, they never help anyone.

I am NOT discouraging anyone from being healthy, and I am NOT putting down any women who are tall, blonde, and a size 0. I just want every woman, no matter what size you are to love the skin that you were given.

Below are a few pictures of me throughout my journey. 

The images on the left are from when I was a little underweight, and the first time I stopped feeling like I was fat.

The images on the right, are me now, healthy, and happy.

Dear Zach

Dear Zach,

         As I sit here tonight, I'm struggling to find the words to get out exactly how I feel. I can't grasp that you're gone. The thought that I will never see you again, not while I'm alive anyway, just isn't one that I can understand. The tears have stopped now, my mind has gone numb, trying to find answers to questions that can never be found. Trying to make sense of a situation such as this.

        I saw you last night, playing volleyball, laughing, talking about a book you let me borrow, and when I left, I forgot to hug you and tell you that I loved you, like I always do. This time though, I didn't want to interrupt your game, so I just left. That will always bother me. I know this isn't my fault, and there probably isn't anything I could have done, but the thought that maybe I could have said something, maybe I could have done something, anything, to make you reconsider, is almost too much to bear.

      I hate to think of what kind of place you must have been in, how tortured you had to have been, for something like this to seem like your only way out. I will always remember you as the sweet, happy guy that shared laughs with me, broke down doors for me, moved me into my new apartment, and always had something to say to brighten my day. I will forever be grateful for the friendship we shared, and for the time I had to get to know you, I can only hope that my friendship impacted you in at least some small way. I just wish I had more time with you.

     Some people are mad at you. Some people think that you've been selfish, that you didn't think about the repercussions of your actions. Or about how many people would be effected. I suppose that may be true. But I think you did. I think you did know about all of those things, I think you thought long and hard about it, and that it tore you up inside. It may be easier for people to be mad at you, it may be easier to just think that you were selfish, and to not think of how miserable you must have been, and about how we didn't see it. I wish I could think like that, but I can't. I can't be mad at you, because I know how caring and selfless you were. I know that none of this could have been easy for you, and that you always considered others in your choices. I know how deeply you felt, and how it was both a blessing and a curse for you. I just wish I could have done something to make life here easier for you.

    I hope one day that I can see you again, hold you in my arms and tell you how much I care, we all care, how much we've missed you. But until then, we'll carry the scars of missing you with us each day, and we'll slowly work our way back to a sense of normalcy, one that's a little less bright without you here, and we'll cling to our memories, careful not to let them slip away. While we share stories of who you were, and remind everyone who knew you of all of the good you did for us. This will not define you. You will not just be another statistic. You're so much more than that. You are our friend, our family. We will always love, and miss you.

Why I Joined A Sorority: Written By a Lifelong Tomboy

I was that girl in high school. The one that was always only really friends with guys, hated the color pink, and didn't learn how to wax my eyebrows until my sophomore year. Seriously, I have proof.

So when I came to college and joined a sorority, apparently everyone from my hometown simultaneously peed all over themselves. Which is what I'm assuming anyway, based off of the questions and exasperated responses that I've gotten from everyone. Still to this day actually, as I'm going into my third year of being a sorority woman, every time I go home, someone with the most sarcastic and unamused tone always asks, "so how are you liking your sorority" or "I can't believe YOU are in one of those."

So let me just break it down for you guys. 

To be totally honest, the main reason I began looking into the sororities at my school, is because I knew I would be going to college by myself, and although I'm an extremely outgoing person, I wanted to make friends. Apparently to some, that's not a good enough reason though, so I'll continue.

The second reason I was intrigued by sororities, was the philanthropic work that they do. At the time, I knew a few families with autistic children, and noticed that one of the organizations worked to benefit Autism Speaks, so I figured, I would want to be a part of something like that, something I can be passionate about and give back. I did a lot of volunteering in high school, and I personally really enjoy doing it.

Finally though, it was almost a social experiment for me. I was never one of the girls with the cute Coach cross over bags, or the Vera Bradley totes that I carried...okay seriously what do high school girls even have to carry around in one of those things? A few binders and some tampons? Regardless, that wasn't me. I wasn't in that clique of girls that did everything together and threw big pool parties at the beginning and the end of the year, and I didn't really care to be. Not that there was anything wrong with them, I was friends with quite a few girls like that actually, and we got along just fine. But I had heard all of these horror stories about sororities and what the girls are like, and I wanted to see if they were true, or if someone like me, who didn't know who Nicole Richie was dating, or care about the finale of The Hills, would really be as much of an outcast as everyone had claimed I would be.

What I found was...

After going through recruitment and getting my bid, I was almost ashamed of myself for believing all of the things that I had heard about these organizations. I found in my own chapter, a group of girls that was so diverse and accepting and supportive of each other, that it was like having another family as soon as I joined, based solely on this one thing that we had in common.

The friends, and the philanthropy that I was looking for was so much more than I could have ever imagined, and after the things I had heard and said, I wasn't sure I deserved to be a part of it.

Accepting my bid and becoming part of this little family that we've made here was one of the best decisions that I've ever made, and a shocking one I guess, to everyone, but I don't regret a second of it.

Sororities might not be for everyone though, and I'm not writing this to tell you that they are, but the reasons that are most popular about why someone wouldn't want to join are pretty funny if you ask me.

For example:

1. I shouldn't have to "pay for my friends."
• This one is one of my favorites. Our VP of Recruitment said it best when she responded to this with, "I don't think that I pay enough for the friends that I've made here." And she was right. The dues that we pay go to expanding our organization and building our foundations, not to parties and friends. 
2. I don't want to be the "stereotypical sorority girl."
• If anyone can find me a stereotypical sorority girl I would love that. I have met so many different women who are beyond diverse in such a copious amount of ways that it's not even funny. There is no stereotypical sorority girl. There is only your perception of movies and stories that you've seen or heard. You will never know until you experience it for yourself. 
3. My boyfriend doesn't want me hang out with "frat" guys all the time. 
•  Number one, fraternity, not frat, ever. Second, you are a big girl, you make your own decisions, even if you join a sorority, no one is going to force you to hang out with fraternity men. Will they be around? Sure. Does that mean your boyfriend has any reason to be upset with you? Not at all. He can hang out with you too, or them, this isn't second grade. 
4. It's just not for me/not my "thing."
• If you haven't tried it, you don't actually know. 

Those are just a few reasons I've heard that people think are completely justified without ever actually knowing better, and you might too. That's fine. We're all entitled to our own opinions, but don't put me down because of a decision I made that will ultimately benefit me in the future. Believe it or not, my life will go on without your approval. 

Love, 

Kayla 

What It Takes To Be Happy

Before I start, let me just say, this is in no way a "self help" type of post. I won't tell you the things a guy should do for you, the places you should live, or forty things to do before you die. I'm simply just going to tell you what it is that makes me happy.  (This one may be a little long, sorry.)

Being happy is a decision, one you make every day. Some can argue that this isn't true, and that other external factors change an individual's happiness, but that just simply isn't the case. At least not for me.

Take it from someone who has had my fair share of obstacles, and hardships, just like anyone else. Though I would never say that I've had it worse than someone, because the truth is, we never really know do we? My troubles could be a normal Tuesday for someone else, and yet here I am complaining about them, like it's the end of the world. That's not fair at all.

The things that happen to you don't define your outlook on life. Sure, they change your reasoning, your passions, and your opinions, but none of those things make you a happy or unhappy person. You do.

We can choose to dwell in the uncontrollable events and happenings within our lives, or we can choose to embrace the good that lies within.

It's so easy for us to focus solely on the stressful situations, the unexpected diagnosis, or the inevitable and unpredictable future, that we get so caught up in it, we forget to notice the good things going on around us.

The past two years of my life have been the hardest. I've made tough decisions, moved away from everyone I thought I cared about, took on a new town by myself, struggled through my freshman year in college, learned what it's like to be financially and academically on the edge, lost friends, lost family members, and had to face issues from my past that I used to not even be able to think about without bursting into tears. Doesn't sound like too much fun does it?

Yet, the past two years have also been the best two years thus far. My decisions were greeted by new beginnings, moving helped me create a new home for myself, struggling helped me become more responsible, more resilient, and to feel more accomplished. Losing friends taught me lessons that I would have needed to learn eventually, and made room for new people in my life, some of whom, also turned out to be the best people I've ever met. Losing family members is always hard, but in doing so, releasing them from their pain, and bringing my family closer together came out of it, and facing the issues that I tried so desperately to put to sleep, or pretend like they never happened, forced me out of my comfort zone, and taught me how to deal with things head on. The truth is, you can't run from the bad things in your life. There will always be ups and downs, but I can guarantee that if you look back, you can almost always find something good that happened because of it. Regardless of how big or small you think it might be. Like the time in 8th grade when I accidentally served a volleyball into the new coach's head at try outs and wasn't invited back...which led to me seeking out other things to get involved in, including an organization that opened countless doors for me. That's just a tiny example of things you don't realize are already in the works for you.

I heard a quote one day that said simply, "life is what happens when you're busy making other plans." and that couldn't be more true. Especially for me. I think it's hard for us to realize sometimes that this life, our decisions, they've already been made, and though we may think we're in control of everything, we're really just along for the ride. So why do we fight so hard against it? And freak out so much when things don't go our way? When really...we should just, metaphorically speaking of course, sit back, throw our hands in the air, and enjoy it. Because nine times out of ten, it all works out anyway.

Love,
Kayla

5 Things That I Hate About Society

This isn't a long post, but rather a short list of observations that I've made recently, that I thought should be addressed, or ranted about really.

1) The Disgusting Obsession With Body Image
           I could talk for days about this, and about how badly it infuriates me. We are constantly bombarded with things about body image, and telling us what is and what isn't acceptable. It's disgusting. Walking into a gas station and seeing "The Best and Worst Beach Bodies" as a cover story on a magazine, is enough to make me never want to buy that specific one again. Especially when it's over something ridiculous. Who cares how big Kim Kardashian's butt is? Okay…I know a few guys that care, but is that really headline worthy news? And if someone has a little roll here or there, should we really shame them in front of the entire world? It's sick, and it's the reason that so many people have eating disorders. I'm not saying we shouldn't strive to be healthy, and sure my body isn't perfect, but the only time I even think about that is during the three month period when bikini's are necessary, and even then, I embrace the fact that I can blind you with how pale I am, and that when I bend over I don't stay as flat as is apparently appropriate, but I'm happy. Fat and happy according to you people, but not starving myself, and I think more girls should know what it feels like to embrace their bodies.

2) How Acceptable We're Making Cheating
            Does no one know what a healthy relationship looks like anymore? It seems like all I ever see, or hear, whether it be on TV, or in music, everything is about cheating on someone, or doing something else completely inappropriate. I may be the only one, but that makes me extremely uncomfortable. I get that it adds drama to things, but shows like Revenge, and Scandal, would be just as good if no one was a dirty rotten cheater. We talk about it like it's nothing and we're making it socially acceptable, which it is NOT. This is why our divorce rates are so high. People act like marriage is a high school fling taken a little too far, and not a promise you make in front of God and everyone to love that person for THE REST OF YOUR LIFE…seriously.

3) The Lack Of Knowledge About Everything
             My generation is the absolute worst when it comes to intelligence on any and all social issues. The majority of political talk, if any, that I hear from people my age, is when someone shares an article on Facebook that is completely slanted, and they believe every word of it to be true because, "the internet never lies". I'm not one to lecture on anything political, but my point with this one is, if you don't know about something, stop talking about it like you do. You're making us all look stupid. This goes for so many more topics than just those of political nature.

4) How Easily People Are Willing To Compromise Themselves
             If you are fifteen years old, your high school boyfriend will more than likely not be the man you marry. He might be, but that's not a good enough reason to give up everything, refuse to go after more, and stick around only to do the bare minimum with yourself. If you have dreams of going to college and having a successful career, DO IT. I'm so sick and tired of seeing people my age, and younger, decide that creating their own little world of make believe and pretending that they're happy with it, is more fulfilling than chasing after their dreams, or having any ambition at all. I'm not saying that college or whatever is for everyone, but at least do SOMETHING.

5) How Easily Offended Everyone Is
            Let's be real, more than half of you are pissed about something, if not all of what I just said. To that I say, get over it. We live in a world where everything is taken so unbelievably serious, that making a joke could be turned into a police report. We need to learn to laugh at ourselves, or use criticism as a motivator. Because sitting around and crying about someone hurting your feelings is going to get you nowhere.

I would like to say that I'm sorry if I offended you, but I'm not. If you think that you were being singled out in this post, then you're probably right. If you disagree with what I said about it, then that's fine too. I'm not always right, but I'll stand by everything I said in this one. I'm tired of seeing everyone make excuses for themselves. I think it's time that we do more, we are more, and we stop being that "terrible generation" that everyone talks about.

Sincerely,
Kayla.

15 Things America Needs Every Girl to Know

As a collegiate woman, I am confronted every day with girls of all ages that lack certain strengths that I find crucial in succeeding in our society. So I compiled a list of things that either you, your sisters/friends/cousins/nieces/children, whoever, should really learn and apply to their daily lives. These are in no specific order, and there are MANY more that I would like to add, but lets be real, no one would read that. Enjoy.

1) Learn to properly shake a hand.
            Nothing infuriates me more than meeting someone for the first time, and putting on my best impression face, and using my big girl hand shake, only to get some floppy wrist response. Please do not hand me a limp fish and assume I will respect it. This is something everyone should know, male or female. It's a respect thing, just do it right.

2) Eye contact.
            Seriously, as a woman, you are already fighting an uphill battle when it comes to first impressions, and future successes. Do not present yourself as an airhead. You're making us all look bad. Make eye contact the entire time that you, or your company is speaking. Most importantly, don't begin a sentence and then look away for the rest of what you're saying. You look disinterested, snobby, and dumb. I'm sorry, but you do.

3) If you cannot walk in heels, don't.
            Heels are a mysterious super power that we as women posses. Personally, I feel the most on top of my game when I am dressed nicely and strutting around in a pair of my favorite heels. However, nothing says power or impressive when you're walking around like a baby giraffe. I don't care if you're sporting the newest shoe from your favorite Louis Vuitton collection, don't look like you're learning how to walk for the first time. If you just can't get the walking at an elevation thing right, don't be ashamed of it. Get yourself some killer and comfortable flats and work it, because you won't look stupid.

4) Pick up your feet.
           While we're on the topic of feet, please remember not to drag yours. It is one thing to shuffle around at home in your slippers, but anywhere else it is unacceptable, and extremely irritating. I have no advice for this one, just don't do it.

5) Know the difference between attractive, and appropriate.
           I know that there is a huge urge to always look appealing, but you have to keep in mind that you are not a walking billboard for those nasty magazines that they sell in gas stations. Women who want to be respected, have to dress the part. Keep your boobs, belly, and butt covered at all times. A personal battle of mine is finding hem lines that are an appropriate length because of my long legs, but regardless, it can be done, please don't wear an outfit that you wouldn't have to change out of in order to go to a bar.

6) Choose mints over gum.
           I love gum, it's great, and if it's all you have then please choose it over having bad breath, but if you're in a meeting or you're having a conversation then please spit it out first, discretely of course. If you're chomping on gum while someone else has the floor then you look rude and disinterested, not to mention, depending on your chewing style, it can be kind of gross and distracting. Mints are cheaper and come in larger quantities, so grab some next time you're standing in line to check out

7) NEVER "Dumb yourself down"
           If you think that the crowd that you're hanging out with will accept you more if you lower yourself to a different level, find a new crowd to hang out with. You should never pretend to be less than your full potential. It's never worth it, and neither are those people.

8) Know that it's okay if not everyone likes you.
          There will be times in your life that you run into people, girls or guys, who for some reason just aren't a fan of yours. Save yourself the time and effort, and don't waste a week thinking about it. Now, if it's someone you work with and it needs to be addressed, than by all means please address the situation and get it under control, but if not, then learn how to blow people off. You're awesome, and you know it, so who cares what anyone else thinks?

9) You can never be over dressed.
           I'm obviously not lobbying for you to wear your favorite prom dress to your next job interview, and please don't. But, if you have an appropriate outfit that makes you feel comfortable and confident, then wear it! Don't worry about what other people have on. Remember, you can never be over dressed, at worst, you'll just look better than everyone else.

10) Don't ever compare yourself to other girls.
           What you need to know now, and accept forever, is that you are not and will never be (insert name of the girl you are already thinking of here). However, you have qualities that she doesn't have, you have things going for you that she doesn't, and you are not her. It's also important to remember that you never know what is going on in someone else's life. That girl could be desperate to have a life like yours. So spend a little less time comparing and complaining, and a little more time being happy with what you have and working hard to get what else you want.

11) Don't ever hide from an ex.
             It's happened to all of us. You walk into your local Walmart or Movie Theater, and there he is, mister I used to think you were perfect. Your first reaction is to duck and hide, but don't do it. I'm not saying walk up to the guy and tell him your whole life story, but be confident. Be sure of yourself. If it didn't work, then it was for a reason. Don't let him hold any power over you. If approached, simply smile, make conversation and take the opportunity to either brag on yourself (subtly) or stay mysterious, whichever seems more appropriate in the conversation. Either way, know who you are and don't hide from him, that way if one of you has to walk away feeling bad about yourself, it won't be you.

12) Respect everyone.
               I don't care if it's a colleague, a teacher, a stranger in the grocery store, or your boyfriend's mom. Respect everyone. Mainly because it's a good character trait to posses, but also because you never know who these people are, what you might need them for later on, what relationship you might build, or if they may be your boss. So watch your mouth. Know the line between assertive and aggressive and pick the right side of it.

13) Have a year where you say, "yes" to any opportunity thrown your way.
               For me, I decided to make this choice when I went to college. Because of it, I joined a sorority, got involved on campus, met a million people, made a ton of friends, went on fun trips, attended cool events, and became a part of different executive boards and officer teams of organizations. Honestly, this might be my favorite of all of these, obviously you have to use your best judgement, but if the only reason you have to say no to something is because you aren't really sure, then do it anyway. You'll be surprised with how far it can take you.

14) Always make time for the people that matter.
               Whether it be your mom, your best friend, a sibling, a significant other, or your dog. Spend time with the people you care about. Make sure they know how much you care and make a serious effort to be there for them. It will make you feel good about yourself, and they'll remember it when you're in a time of need, or when you need a good word said about you. Your family and friends are where your networking habits begin.

15) Never let anyone make you think you can't.
               Have huge ambitions, and be proud of them. Steve Jobs once said, "The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones that do." and he was right. Don't let anyone make you think that your ideas are unattainable. Know your worth, and know your ambition is a good thing. Never let anyone make you think that you should give up on a dream, because that is never true, and trust me, you'll regret it.

Do yourself a favor, and try a few of these out. I would be surprised if you didn't feel better, and have more self confidence.


Love always,
    Kayla

The Miley Cyrus Affect

Alright, so we've all heard and seen the gigantic media storm that is Miley Cyrus. Obviously there is always two sides to every story/tragedy/trend and in this particular case, neither side is silent about their opinions.

You have the major supporters: some have been fans since "Smiley Miley" was wearing her teeny bopper wig and singing about how none of us are perfect, but we should still work it anyway, and on this side you also have the people who thought Miley was for small children until she decided to embrace her edgier side and waltz around half naked.

Then you have the "haters." This is the group that takes it upon themselves to find every single detail about this poor girl's life and put her on blast for the entire world to hear about, whether they care or not. Their judgments normally range from her less than there outfits to her racy new lyric style.

HOWEVER, I'm holding on to every last hope that somewhere in society there is a group of people that tends to not care at all whatsoever about what other people do with their lives, such as I do. For the sake of argument and blog posts though I'll go ahead and explain what I believe to be, "The Miley Affect."

First of all, I have no idea why everyone is acting like the things she has been doing are such a surprise. Let's take a look at what we encounter on a normal day here in 2014 shall we? I mean there are some seriously praised music artists that do things that are much weirder than dancing around with a foam finger or strapping a giant teddy bear to your back. Like a meat dress for example, or one that can make you fly for that matter. You also see things like people in cotton candy colored wigs with lollipop boobs, or whipped cream shooters on their chests. No one questions that. I won't even start on the things that Nicki Minaj can get away with. Now none of this is to say that I'm not fans of any of these girls. You will find me giving miniature concerts in my car to (most recently) "Do What U Want," "Unconditionally," the occasional heart felt belting of "Wrecking Ball," and my sometimes impressive but usually sad attempts at rapping like Nicki, on a pretty regular basis. I do however question why none of these ladies have gotten the attention that Miley gets for doing relatively the same thing. Now I won't group them together entirely because honestly all of these girls are obviously very creative so you can't necessarily say that they do the same things, but the scope of the things they do is at least in the same universe.

So does it make it okay in the eyes of the disapproving bystanders to do those things if you're 27,29, or 31 instead of only 21? Or maybe it's because she was a Disney star first? Regardless of the reason the facts are simple. Those examples I gave earlier, you knew who I was talking about, why? Because all of them did something crazy and over the top to make an impression, to express something, and to be memorable. They're creating an image for themselves, and in doing so they're getting a huge leg up on the competition. Admit it, even if you're one of the "haters," you've still heard the songs and watched the videos, because part of you has to see what everyone is talking about. Didn't we see something similar with the Madonna era? She's still pretty infamous.

My point is, you can love her or you can hate her, it's not like she really cares what you think, but you're still supporting her career. Because you know who she is, you listen to the music, and you watch the videos, your intentions don't matter, you still do. She's making a name for herself, whether we agree with her approach or not. She's making herself infamous, and you hating her won't stop that a bit. If you ask me, even though I personally probably wouldn't do things the way she has, she's smart. She knows that pissing you and half of America off, will earn her millions. Which is more than I'll have done by 21.

So hats off to you Miley, you strange, yet brilliant girl you. Way to fool us all into making you a megastar.

Now pardon me while I go get 23 out of my head...