Why I No Longer See the New Year as a "Fresh Start"

It's New Years Eve and here I sit looking up sparkly outfits on Pinterest, planning this evening's events and musing about the pictures I'll take at midnight. I'm also thinking back on the past year.

Typically, today is a day of reflection and of decisions to make the upcoming year better. We fill our minds and planners with resolutions and positive thoughts. We promise ourselves that this year will be better than the last and that we'll keep working out even after January 14th (though who are we kidding?).

However, as I sit and think of everything that has transpired over the last twelve months, I can't help but to be overwhelmed with gratitude. This year has been one full of wonders, adventures, new friends and new opportunities, but it's also been one with hardships and trials.

Throughout all of these experiences I've noticed many things, starting with how incredibly lucky I am to have so many supportive and caring souls in my life. This year I was faced with hard choices, loss and scary beginnings, yet I didn't have to do any of it alone. Some of my relationships drifted apart and some of them became much stronger, for which I am extremely thankful.

I've also noticed how significantly my outlook has changed. Things that used to be important to me have lost their significance, while things that were never quite on my radar have taken on a whole new meaning. Watching yourself grow up is a weird thing to do, yet it's oddly satisfying to see the transformation within yourself.

This year I was blessed with the news of my timely graduation, internships that taught me things I never would have learned in a classroom, friends who I thank God for daily and a fiancé who I cannot wait to marry.

There are many things that are different because of 2015 and while I may not have chosen to do some things the way they fell, I am humbled to remember that my plan is not the one that matters.

So the reason I have chosen to no longer see the New Year as a "fresh start" is because I am proud of what I came from and where I'm going. I wouldn't undo a single moment of the past year because it all brought me to where I am now. I am excited for the New Year and to see it as a continuation of the exciting events that are happening now. I will not belittle the ups or the downs of 2015 because they pushed me forward in ways that I never expected, but I will look forward to whatever it is that 2016 has to hold, the good the bad and the ugly, because ultimately it's all part of His plan for me. A plan that has yet to let me down.

What Ever Happened to Following Dreams?

As a senior in college, I'm constantly surrounded by (unsolicited) advice about my future. Usually these conversations all start the same:

Them: When do you graduate?

Me: (*Not soon enough*) May 7th

Them: Oh wow! That's soon, you've got a lot of work to do, have you given any thought to what you'll do after school?

Me: (*Only every single day for like the past five years*) Oh, I think I have a few things in mind. I'm just going to start applying and see what happens.

Them: Oh.. (*judging/disapproving look) well that's nice. Where have you thought about applying?

Me: (*Anywhere/everywhere that is hiring** but actually ramble off a few generic companies and talk about my internships*)

Them: WELL when I was your age...

*Cue somewhat practical, usually helpful, but sometimes just outright offensive advice*

Don't get me wrong, I am extremely blessed to have so many people in my life who care about me and my future. I'm thrilled that there are professionals out there who still care about helping emerging individuals in their fields. I honestly do want all of the help I can get on my resume, and I NEVER get tired of hearing things along the lines of "I actually have a connection there and if you'd like I'm sure I could pass along your information."

However, advice and opinions are different.

DO feel free to tell me about/help me with:
- Potential employers
- Benefits conversations (because who actually understands those?)
- Resume builders
- Networking events
- Etc.

Please DON'T take it upon yourself to tell me:
- The job that I want does not pay well
- That I'll actually hate my field when I get started
- That I should really consider other people when making my own decisions
- That I shouldn't try to go too big at first
- That I should really think about when I want to have kids before starting a career
- That you think a man would be better suited for my chosen career
- That I'm going to have to work really hard for the rest of my life
- That YOU just couldn't do it

While some of those things may be true, I can't tell you how much it makes me sick to see young people put down for following their dreams. I am well aware that the field I have chosen will not anytime soon make a millionaire out of me, but it's what I enjoy. I am also aware that I am going to have to work very hard, but I believe that anything worth doing is worth doing well.

When you tell someone like me to aim lower, to try less, or to ask for more money just because we think we deserve it, you're really being quite rude. If you worked all your life for something, then finally achieved it and everyone said, "that's nice, but you should've done something else," or "I'm glad you like it, too bad you'll always be broke," it's a little hard to be excited.

The truth of the matter is, every college graduate should be proud. Anyone who has ever worked hard and achieved a goal, college or not, should be proud. People should be allowed to challenge themselves, to be ambitious, to put their personal happiness above their salary.

I understand that there's an "American Dream" or some sort of standard that everyone is trying to achieve, but if you ask me, being twenty one and excited to start a career that I'm passionate about, instead of only thinking about money and status, should be seen as just as much of an accomplishment.

Don't complain to me about the youth of today and how we're all "greedy" and "unmotivated" when the people who give us advice are the ones making us that way.

Why I'm Getting Married at a "Young Age"

I’m no stranger to people voicing their opinions about the decisions I make regarding my own life. It seems that every step of the way I’ve had someone questioning something, everything, about what I decide to do.

When I left for college, there were those who doubted me, or said I should have stayed home. There were some who said I would never make it past the first year, that I would move back and live with my parents for fear of being without them. Yet, here I am, year four and 212 days away from graduation.

When I made the decision to join a sorority there was a countless amount of people who voiced their opinions in protest. I apparently didn’t like girls enough, or I wasn’t friendly, pretty, rich or peppy enough. Yet, here I am, year four and still involved. I’ve met my bridesmaids and probably have this organization to thank for meeting my groom as well.

So when we made the decision to get married at a “young age” it was no different. There are those who continuously doubt, or ask rude and suggestive questions, so I thought it was about time I set the record straight.

“I could never get married so young.” – Well, then don’t.

“Don’t you feel like your life is ending?” – Not at all, I feel like my life is just beginning.

“It’s too bad that all of your fun is over now.” – I’m not sure what you mean by “fun” if you think all of it is over for me. If by “fun” you mean I can’t sleep around, avoid responsibility and make poor decisions, then yes I suppose my “fun” is over, but I never participated in those things anyway.

“But don’t you want to travel? See the world? Won’t getting married hold you back?” – If you think that marriage is something that confines you and holds you back, then you have it all wrong. Yes, I do want to travel and see the world, and now I get to do it with my best friend and the love of my life by my side. What’s the point of having incredible experiences if you have to do them alone?

The point that I hope to make with this post is that, I don’t need your opinion. If getting married at a young age is something you would never do, then by all means please don’t! If you can’t recognize the commitment you’re making and dedicate yourself to the sanctity of marriage, please don’t. We have a hard enough time as it is keeping this incredible union special so don’t agree to it if you’re not ready – but don’t tell me that I’m not.

I’m getting married for a lot of reasons. I’m getting married because I’ve met the man who gives reason to so many things. He’s the first thing I think about in the morning and the last thing I think about at night. He supports me and encourages me. He wants to be my partner, not my dictator. He recognizes that there will be hard times and is ready to fight through them with me. He loves God first and loves me second which is how it should be. I know without a doubt that if I had a son just like him, I would be perfectly happy with that. If I had a daughter who dated someone who treated her as well as Zekke treats me, I would be perfectly okay with that.

He recognizes when I need to talk, and when I need to just be held. He knows when I want him to fix my problem, and when I want him to just listen. He respects me as an independent woman, but still cares for me as a chivalrous man. I could go on for days about why I know he’s the right one, but the fact of the matter is that he is.

We’re getting married because we’re ready to make that commitment. We’re ready to take on the rest of our lives together whether you think so or not. We may not have graduated from college yet, but we’ve both worked very hard to get to where we are. We may be under 25, but we’re still adults.

I’m not defending my decision, because I don’t have to. I have no one to justify this to, because everyone who matters is just as happy for us as we are for ourselves.

What I’m saying is that if you know someone who is getting married at a “young age” don’t take it upon yourself to tell him or her all of the million reasons why you wouldn’t do it. Chances are, they’ve thought of all these things and they still know.

I would be lying if I said I wasn’t scared, or that I thought it would be easy, but I would also be lying if I said I wasn’t 120% sure. That, my friends, is why I’m getting married at a “young age” and that, is all that should matter.

The Stress Affect

Ah stress, we all have it, we all handle it differently and we all tend to think that ours is much worse than everyone else's. I know I've been guilty of that a few times, but I'm working on it and you should too because nobody likes those people.

Everyone is in a different life stage, and what is stressing me out right now may seem minuscule to you, while it could be the hardest thing I've ever dealt with thus far. I really started to notice how people react to stress when I was younger and everything was either, "you'll understand when you're older," or "shut up Kayla you're being dramatic." Apparently the things I was worried about then didn't seem like the end of the world to everyone else, but whether or not people liked my homemade magazine and advice column in fifth grade most certainly was a big deal.

Now, I know that people probably see me the same way. Those with "big kid jobs" and you know, people who are actually adults, probably think that I'm incredibly annoying when I say that I'm stressed, and I guess I get that.

My week consists of 168 hours, just like yours. Of those hours, 30 are spent working, 15 are spent doing class work, 15 are spent doing internship work, roughly 10 on average are spent doing things for my various exec boards on campus and about 52 are spent sleeping when I can actually average close to 7 hours a week. With the 46 hours I have left, I spend time planning events for my sorority, answering phone calls for people who need me to do more and trying to plan my wedding. I leave my apartment in the morning before the sun comes up, and usually don't get home until it has been well on its way down.

Am I stressed? Of course I am, so much so that it has started to take a physical toll on my body, but that doesn't mean that no one else isn't stressed too.

Sometimes we get so caught up in what is going on in our own lives, that we forget to stop and take note of what's happening to those around us. We've got to stop telling people that their troubles aren't as important as ours, we've got to stop being terrible friends, significant others, daughters and sons, siblings and just all around decent human beings.

It really comes down to prioritizing, which I realize now that I've been doing a little bit wrong. This week I'm going to make it a personal mission of mine to stop stressing so much about the small stuff, to put down my phone and be present. To be present for my friends, my fiancé, my family and of course my dog. I'll make an effort to not belittle anyone else and their stress, because even if they don't have as much on their plate as I do, they could still have something much worse, or something extremely difficult to deal with.

You never know what is going on with others, you don't know the trouble they're facing, and if I could just experience a bunch of positive people on a daily basis, then my stress may not seem so heavy. So this week, I'll try to be that positive person, that person who doesn't judge and that person who doesn't belittle.

I'll try to be a better, less tense and stressed out decent human being. I hope you'll try with me.

What Not To Expect When You Join A Sorority

There is always a lot of speculation about whether joining a sorority is a good idea or not, and while both sides typically have a few good arguments, I thought I would go ahead and throw out my stand on the subject. As a disclaimer, I will say that I am an affiliated woman currently, and if you think that makes this post biased, you may be right, but I would encourage you to read it either way and soak in the information as you wish.

1) Don't expect sunshine and rainbows all the time.

A common misconception about sororities is that they are the happiest place on campus, all chants and smiles and Starbucks, but that's just not how the cookie crumbles my friends. There will be drama, as there is in any situation with 2+ women in the same room. There will be times when you fight like siblings and think that you hate each other, it's just inevitable. However, you are the only entity that can choose to stop those things from happening. This is when the whole "going to college to be a big kid" thing kicks in. You're not always going to like everyone, but you can always choose how to handle yourself, which typically is either like a functioning member of society (adult) or like a screaming baby (child).

2) Don't expect everyone to run up to you and be super duper excited to be your best friend.

While every affiliated member is always excited about a new group of sisters, friends, and littles, they can't do all the work. It's true what they say, "you get out what you put in" and if you're standing in a corner with your arms crossed, talking to no one and convincing yourself that you're having a miserable time, you're probably not going to get much out of it. The truth is, these girls will go out of their way to try and make you comfortable, but they can only do so much. Believe it or not, some of the responsibility does fall on you. So make an effort to talk to someone you don't know, join in on games or group conversations, get out of the corner and have fun for yourself, don't expect someone else to do it for you.

3) Don't expect to hate it.

If you come in with a bad attitude, you're not going to have a good time. Simple as that. Whether you got into a chapter that wasn't your first choice, or you don't like Sally's face, or you think that sororities are a government conspiracy, whatever your reason is, leave it at the door. Because if you come in with a bad attitude, it will effect your experience, and the experiences of those around you which isn't fair to anyone.

**What you can expect, is to find a group of women with similar interests. A group of girls who all probably need a support system in one way or another. So just be nice, try to enjoy yourself, and don't over think everything. No one is out to get you, you're just in a club, one that raises a lot of money for philanthropies every year, but if you slap a "no boys allowed" sign on the door then it's really not that different than everything you've been doing with your life up until this point. There's just more singing.**

What It Really Means to be the "Mom" of Your Friend Group

Everyone knows one. The girl who everyone calls, "Mom". She's not actually related to you, half of the time she's not even older than you, but she takes care of every one in your group of friends like they are her own. Sometimes, to a fault.

Sometimes it means losing sleep.
      Whether it's losing sleep because she's worried for you, or because she's up all night texting you back to assure you that you are in fact not the only crazy person on the face of the planet, and that whatever traumatic thing you're going through isn't as bad as it seems, and it will all get better.

Sometimes it means being in public at your worst.
       Sometimes being the "mom" means getting out of bed at night to go pick up a friend who had one to many. Or to come over and hold you while you cry, or your hair while you get sick. Sometimes it means arguing with you even when you're yelling about how much you hate her because she won't let you drive yourself home, or go home with someone you'll probably regret in the morning.

Sometimes it means learning not to crave recognition.
       As selfish as this one sounds, it's reality. We all crave recognition. Whether it be for doing something well, or being right, we all secretly want to be recognized. However, when you're the "mom" of the group, sometimes you have to learn to step back. After awhile, and enough favors, people tend to expect the "mom" behavior out of you, and your good deeds are no longer that, but something you're expected to do because, "it's just how you are".

Sometimes it means feeling lonely.
       Even though you're surrounded by people, sometimes you feel like you have no one to talk to. It may be something you create in your own mind, but you've gotten so used to putting on the mask of a person who has it all together, and you feel like you can't turn to the people who always turn to you.

Sometimes it means awkward situations.
      Whether it be getting stuck between two friends who both come to you for advice on the subject of one another, or being in a situation where you have to give some tough love even though you know it may blow back in your face, they'll both happen eventually. When most sane people would just stay out of it and know that it isn't any of their business, you just can't stand idly by when there's something someone you love should hear, even if it means they'll be upset with you.

Sometimes it means being the bad guy.
       The tough love aspect isn't always fun. Sometimes you feel that you have to tell someone you care about, something they don't want to hear, and while you know you have their best interest at heart, it's still never fun to hear the negative responses, or to go through the not speaking phase.

Sometimes it means swallowing your pride.
      When the tough love blows back, and you tell the truth, and the friend who needs to accept it just won't, a lot of the time, they say things they don't mean and they explode, and they avoid you for awhile. But if you turn out to be right, and what you feared would happen did, and your friend needs someone to console them, you're the first one at the door. Never offering an, "I told you so," or "you should've listened to me" you just try to make them feel better, and slowly forgive the things they did or said, without ever bringing them up again.

But it always means love.
      Whether they drive you crazy, or give you a reason to get up in the mornings, being the "mom" of a friend group means that you have people in your life worth protecting. People that are close, and that you love and would do anything for, and that's a lot more than what some people can say.

So if you're the "mom" and you ever feel taken for granted, just try to remember that even if they don't show it the same way that you do, those people love you too.

Love,
Kayla

The Difference Between Halloween and Date Parties

It's that season again.

The sweaters and scarves are out, the air is a little more crisp, we're busily looking for dates to our parties, and seeking dates to other formals.

Then there's the ever present question, "What are you going as?"

Whether we're talking sorority functions or an age old tradition it seems to be the same question, so why do they differ? Well in all honesty, the sad truth is that the memories we enjoyed as children are apparently frowned upon in our ripe old age of you know...20. So we created Halloween for big kids. Unnecessary you think? Well let's talk about what happens if you try to do Halloween the old way nowadays..

1) Judgement.
        At date parties you get to dress up with your sisters and their lucky dates. Usually that comes with a lot of talk prior to the event about what everyone will wear. You show up to the venue feeling confident in your outfit and knowing that you look good. The thought of someone else stealing your thunder or thinking you look stupid has never even crossed your mind.

         On Halloween, regardless of what clever ensemble you choose, you will still be concerned that you'll end up somewhere that it's inappropriate, or that someone won't understand who you are. We all know how annoying it is when a stranger doesn't understand your Regina George impersonation. It's just not as funny after you explain it.

2) Competition
           At date parties, even if you show up in the same outfit as one of your sisters, the two of you can share a good laugh, pose for a few pictures, and probably even make each other your #WCW afterward. It's totally fine.

          On Halloween, if you show up dressed like someone else, it may get a little awkward. The best part is when the person dressed just like you, is the one who is secretly hoping to run into you ten years and fifty pounds from now. Chances are, you probably won't leave the party as bffs.

3) Activities
           At date parties, regardless of your activities of choice before or after, you pretty much know what's going down at all times. Dancing, pictures, maybe a photo booth or so, and some refreshments. All of which you're completely used to, and are close enough to being age appropriate.

          On Halloween, you're constantly wondering if you're too old to be wearing a costume, even though you want to trick or treat so bad... it's probably about 10 years too late for that. So your options are probably someone's house party or hanging out in a church parking lot handing candy to kids. All of which is fine, but then walking back to your car or into your apartment just some how feels so much more awkward than it would if you just got off of a bus with about 80 other people who looked just like you.

4) Costumes
          At date parties, you're a little more daring, you can wear whatever you want and not worry about what people will say because chances are these people already know and it's probably already been said to your face, as it should be. Your sisters will embrace your quirkiness, or your slightly too high thigh slit, with laughter and maybe a few embarrassing pictures that end up being totally worth it.

         On Halloween, you spend much more time worrying about who will be around. What if I run into my mom's best friend, or a flock of tiny humans, or my middle school preacher? Would he appreciate the horns you're sporting on your head? Or your blonde barbie wig and your leggings as pants? Probably not, though it shouldn't matter what anyone thinks, you will still walk away from that conversation feeling much more awkward than you would if you were talking to your advisor.

5) Candy
          Halloween wins this one. You could have the coolest candy bar I've ever seen at your date party, but nothing beats the memories of knocking on doors to take candy from strangers. The one day of the year you're allowed to break almost every rule your parents ever made. Come on.

The moral of the story children, is that though costume parties and the so called holiday that is always playful and full of calories that obviously don't count may seem like they're essentially the same, they most certainly are not.

I however will most likely be partaking in both. Candy and costumes, it's a win win.